“Oh no!!” “Is he going to be okay?” Screams reached my ears as I quickly pulled Jackson off the potty Thursday. Blood was flowing down our 18 month old’s face. His eyes were puffy little slits he was crying so hard. Samuel had fallen head first on the rocky driveway, and head wounds are scary: so much blood. Pressure applied, bleeding stopped, finally we could clean him up a little and really see how severe the blow had been: a dime-sized gouge, but deep. A quick call to the pediatrician, and we were on our way to the doctor’s office.
I made it through the stitches (I couldn’t watch). While weaving Samuel’s head together, the doctor kindly tried to distract me with his take on this season of American Idol. Remarkably, Samuel slept through the entire ordeal. I was calm until the doctor brought me Samuel’s immunization record and recommended a DTaP immunization.
I panicked. I was not prepared to make a decision about immunizations. I had already talked with our pediatrician about giving the rest of Samuel’s immunizations one at a time, starting at 18 months. Though he assured me that they don’t use immunizations containing thimerosal (an ethylmercury preservative), he consented to spacing them farther apart and gave me a recommended order. But they didn’t have a Tetanus shot just by itself; it only came in the combination shot with Pertussis and Diphtheria. Irrational as it may be, I felt I was taking a risk either way: Risk tetnus or potentially risk giving my son autism.
Are immunizations evil?
No! They’ve eradicated diseases and made once-deadly illnesses a distant memory. My own mother would have escaped a life of Post Polio complications if the immunization would have been available.
And I don’t believe immunizations have single-handedly caused the autism epidemic, but I wonder if barraging tiny immune systems with so much so early might contribute. Jackson’s regression occured shortly after his two year check-up (immunizations included). Once Jackson was diagnosed, I could not bring myself to continue with Samuel’s. I’m convinced, immunizations are not evil, but can my sons handle them?
Can autism strike twice?
I had no idea how much fear I had buried about the statistical probability of having two sons with autism. Every head bonk, every time I catch Sam staring, every time he starts stacking anything, I catch my breath, wondering. I had convinced myself that he’d be fine based on his high level of social interaction and vocabulary. But there it was staring me in the face in the form of this decision: to immunize or not.
The self-imposed pressure was so great, I thought I might lose it right there in the doctor’s office. I read the DTaP package insert and paced around the table where my sweet, smart Sam slept still wrapped like a newborn in the white blanket. The poor little guy has been through so much in his little life: born with a hole in his heart, open heart surgery at 6 months, not being allowed to be the baby for long since Jackson requires so much of my attention. Sweet Sam, what is best for you? I called home for advice or moral support (no answer), racked my brain for everthing I’d researched, and ended up leaving the office with my sleeping son unimmunized.
I cried all the way home. How are we to make such decisions? Did I make the right call with Sam? Had I made the right call with Jackson? How can I not feel responsible?
When I got home, my husband told me, “Our job is to try to keep them alive.” That’s it. Do our best for them. Love them the best we can.
I have to hold onto truth (an accurate description of reality). Samuel is fine today. He is smiling, talking, and interacting normally today. I will not go looking for the ghosts in tomorrow, letting them steal the life and joy from today. Statistical probabilities and fear will not rule me. I choose to trust God. Pray for wisdom. Love my children. I can do that.
For more on autism and thimerosal visit the National Autism Association.
I’d be more concerned about tetnus if he’d stepped on a rusty nail, especially somewhere indoors. A tumble in the driveway, which has been exposed to a lot of sunshine is far less risky. there is a time to choose more extreme measures, and I believe God can give you that word. I’ve been thinking maybe the rise in autism is an early warning like the canary in the coal mines. The canary was more susceptible to the gases that could kill men, so if the canary keeled over, the men knew they had to get out fast. The total chemical overload may be more of the problem than the single issue of the vaccines, but with susceptible children (and you and Jason both have had some allergy issues, which means the children may be more sensitive to everything), the best thing may be to increase all the good stuff (fresh air, sunshine, exercise, rest, laughter, music, joy, healthy foods) & limit the chemicals (immunizations, cleaning products, food additives, paints, herbicides, insecticides, even “skin care products” which may carry more hazzards than protection — long sleeves, hats, staying in the shade from 10 AM-3 PM may be safer alternatives which permit the body to make vitamin D which triggers the body’s immune system). Having said all that, however, I’ll still say, cast your cares upon the Lord and keep your confidence in Him. His word says, “And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28, Webster)” And He does love those boys far more than any of us are able to love them!
By the way, Sara McDowell’s son, Elijah, was just “undiagnosed” with autism! See if she will send you a copy of the article she wrote that I saw at work Saturday.