We’ve worked long and hard at getting Jackson to connect with us and figured out several things that are rewarding and motivating. We feel like we’ve laid a great groundwork for getting Jackson to follow directions. This has turned out to be a bigger challenge than I ever imagined.
Reality began sinking in one day about a year ago when I looked up and saw that Jackson had left a trail of at least ten strawberry tops winding across the living room carpet. Not wanting to miss a teachable moment, I decided to have him pick each one up and feed it to the guinea pigs. Cleaning up and connecting with pets at the same time! Whoo hoo!
I took his little hands, walked him through picking up each one and dropping them into the cage. By about the 8th strawberry top, I thought, Surely he’s got this little routine down by now. I walked him over to the 9th strawberry top, he stopped in front of it and looked up at me, waiting. “Pick it up” I prompted. He picked it up, walked toward the guinea pig cage, and looked at me like, “Now what?” “Put it in the cage.” A puzzled look. “Put it in” I repeated pointing between the bars. Jackson dropped the green leaves on the floor and started to walk away nonchalantly…Is this resistance? Refusal? “Pick it up Jackson.” Jackson immediately came back and picked up the top. I repeated earlier instructions and his hand hovered over the cage. He glanced up at me, head tilted, blank expression on his face. Where was his mind? Distracted by the glare of lights on the window? The humming of the refrigerator? Some other sensory experience? I took his hand and showed him how to put it in again. And again. At that moment I knew this teaching process was going to require a lot of repetition, time, and patience. I breathed a prayer for strength and my own sanity…
Repetition, routine, consistant language, multiple physical prompts, someone guiding his hands to stack every block, pull up his pants, put the trains back in the box: These are things that have brought Jackson success at school…where he has one staff member devoted to making sure he hangs up his coat, participates in circle time, uses the potty, and follows directions.
So how do we implement this at home? How can I possibly walk Jackson through everything 100 or more times? If I had nothing else to do all day, maybe…no dinner to make, no dishes to wash, no other children to care for, but seeing as these things are constants in my life. How can I tackle this one without feeling my blood pressure rise at the thought of this overwhelming task?
I decided to choose one (just one!) new direction to work on each week. I started with very concrete directions that are a part of our daily routine like “Put your shoes on” before going outside or “Put your diaper in the trash” obviously after diaper changes. This past week our goal was to master “Put on your underwear and pants.”
When I first give a direction, it helps so much to use a visual cue as often as possible. If I tell him, “Go get your shoes,” I might point to my own shoes or show him a picture of shoes.
For the first 10 (or 100) times, I have to physically guide him through the process. When I do this, sometimes I realize that some directives I thought were one simple step, really involve a series of steps. This revelation gave me a glimpse of the complexity of mastering something new when you have not paid attention. Our toddler, Samuel, picks up things quickly just by watching because he attends, Jackson does not have this advantage.
Something that helps with this lack of attending is getting down on Jackson’s level. My communication with Jackson is always better when I am on my knees within 24 inches of his face. Whenever I do that he is much more likely to make eye contact, attend, and respond or attempt to repeat what I’m saying or signing. While I’m on my knees giving a direction, I consciously use the same language each time, and remind myself to allow time for processing and response. Since I have started getting down to his eye-level, he has begun using sign language, looking back and forth between my hands and his own to be sure he is forming the signs properly.
I’ve learned the best way to correct mistakes and redeem failures in following directions, is to simply walk him through the process again. I first taught Jackson the directive, “Put your diaper in the trash.” When I started to teach, “Put your plate in the sink,” He automatically threw his plate in the trash. It’s tempting to reach in there myself and put it in the sink, but he doesn’t learn a thing when I do, even if I say, “No, not in the trash,” and repeat the instructions again. Every once in a while, he will go on auto-pilot and do this still, so I physically walk him through putting his plate in the sink again.
As he’s beginning to catch on to the routine, I start to use the least amount of prompting possible, then I use more if I need to. If he’s not responding to verbal directions, I might point, if that isn’t enough, I’ll physically walk him through the steps again.
Ever catch yourself repeating a direction over and over and over? Oh, yeah…I’m bad at this one. Well, for a child who has to concentrate to really understand what I’m saying…establishing a pattern of not expecting him to tune in really doesn’t help. I have to remind myself not to give a directive unless I am able to make sure he will completely follow through. Case in point, I had to stop vainly telling Jack to stop banging his head on the window while I was in the middle of changing his little brother’s diaper. I was not physically able to walk over and draw him away from the window to show him exactly what I meant by “Stop.” When I give a direction, I want it to be meaningful, important, something Jackson knows is worth tuning out the distractions to hear.
Finally, I see a huge difference in positive responses now when I use direct language: “Time for bed” instead of “Are you ready to go to bed?” It’s amazing, when I remove the option for refusal, Jackson complies much more readily. Even “Do you need to use the bathroom?” doesn’t cut it. It’s gotta be “It’s time to use the potty.” Which reminds me, it IS time to use the potty. Until next time…